i think i just loose all confidence i have, for now.
quickly regaining it back. if ever..

this must be the first time in my life, that i actually felt so negative that i was about to cry. LOL
but no, i'm currently in the living room with my family so i can't.
unless i'm in the toilet.

1. really, why am i not just as beautiful?
i have alot of really good looking friends, but i am no where comparable to them.
and maybe in the community i am in now, people will only talk to good looking people. Orz
perhaps i am still very immature, i don't know why i'm troubling over all these stuff.
even though i am supposed to be worried about my costume for my tuesday shoot LOL

sometimes, i just get really upset looking at my own photos.
maybe if i'm taking photo with another person, i will just look at her and wonder, " if only i am as good looking, it'll be wonderful "

i adore alot of people [ yes, cosplayers ] and all these time i have been longing to talk to them.
but i am so socially awkward, shy, or whatever shit i just call myself a bloody coward LOL
i just can't even say HI to them. LOL
i need to drag my friends across the sea of people, reach out to them, and then i "borrowed" some courage from them. and yay! i got to talk to them. for a short... short.... short... moment.
then i became shy, then i ran off. LOL
[ even though i am convinced that i am the out-going, loud girl, but well, maybe i'm just a shy otaku girl, haha! ]

and recently, i am able to talk to kiki.
and i am really so happy.
so happy i am going to tear up. LOL [ opps hope she won't read this haha ]

yes, i admired her so much, i wish she was a guy and i could marry him. [again, i'm not creepy]

and then, i have this one mole beside my nose.
which was soooooooooo irritating and fugly.
no matter how much i conceal, it fucking appear in every picture.
goodness.

why do i have this fucking mole, dark eye circles [ from the fucking genes ] , two balls of fats on my cheeks [ also from the fucking genes ]
LOL WHY CAN'T I HAVE A BETTER FACE STRUCTURE LOL
CAN I DON'T LOOK SO CHINA PREASE.
everytime i smile, these fucking -_- <<< APPEAR
yeah, my eyes is open.
I WONDER HOW MUCH MORE DO I HAVE TO PRACTICE MAKE UP BEFORE I ACTUALLY LOOK NICE. LIKE, NICE. LAWL

because ... i am just not good looking, socially awkward.
people don't want to talk to me lol.
i wish sharanya was here now so i can rant....OTL
dear dear sharanya, i know you won't read this but..
even though i really enjoy those racist jokes i made for you but i really love you OTL

if only i'm more good looking, it would be so much easier to approach people i like.
if only. i feel as if my life is a waste

i am not good in anything
i am not good in studies
i can't help anybody...
i can't even fully enjoy cosplaying [ because all the stress i give myself on my looks, or i just really can't cos the characters i really love alot ]
what's the point of living when i can't enjoy fully what i LOVE to do and i can't feel a sense of achievement in anything i do?
i can't even help anybody. i can't even study well.
sorry i have low IQ, i'm so sorry to self. i have been wasting earth natural's resource ever since i was born.
maybe i will find talents in myself, but maybe talented in doing nothing. LOL
AGAIN, IF ONLY I CAN BORN WITH A BETTER GENES LOL, or a better brain...



maybe the future me will read this and go



i have no idea why i am feeling so negative after EOY

when i see my friends that also only just got to know the person i adore,
and quickly befriends them..but i am still not even near the acquaintance level.
because i am just not good looking enough..to talk to them. T_T
sorry i don't usually feel this way. so fucking depressed LOL

sorry, i'm really not a attention seeker
and i need a place to rant, that's all. ..lol

i hope i can be better next year

which reminds me, school is starting soon.
so many depressed stuff to think about again.
one of the reasons why i am going bald so fast.

i seriously need to adjust my thoughts.

just 2 more years, i'll get out of that shitty school.
andmaybe meet new people again
honestly speaking i'm not so well off in my school too.

basically i just have no one to talk about my problems to but Sharanya.
the rest are just friends. well, friends... not very close friends. . ... after i change class.
and even sharanya is in a different class. WHYYYYYY!!!!!!!!

YEAH AND SORRY FOR MY DAMN ENGLISH
LIKE I SAID I'M GOOD IN NOTHING. LOL

i think i just loose all confidence i have, for now.
quickly regaining it back. if ever..

this must be the first time in my life, that i actually felt so negative that i was about to cry. LOL
but no, i'm currently in the living room with my family so i can't.
unless i'm in the toilet.

1. really, why am i not just as beautiful?
i have alot of really good looking friends, but i am no where comparable to them.
and maybe in the community i am in now, people will only talk to good looking people. Orz
perhaps i am still very immature, i don't know why i'm troubling over all these stuff.
even though i am supposed to be worried about my costume for my tuesday shoot LOL

sometimes, i just get really upset looking at my own photos.
maybe if i'm taking photo with another person, i will just look at her and wonder, " if only i am as good looking, it'll be wonderful "

i adore alot of people [ yes, cosplayers ] and all these time i have been longing to talk to them.
but i am so socially awkward, shy, or whatever shit i just call myself a bloody coward LOL
i just can't even say HI to them. LOL
i need to drag my friends across the sea of people, reach out to them, and then i "borrowed" some courage from them. and yay! i got to talk to them. for a short... short.... short... moment.
then i became shy, then i ran off. LOL
[ even though i am convinced that i am the out-going, loud girl, but well, maybe i'm just a shy otaku girl, haha! ]

and recently, i am able to talk to kiki.
and i am really so happy.
so happy i am going to tear up. LOL [ opps hope she won't read this haha ]

yes, i admired her so much, i wish she was a guy and i could marry him. [again, i'm not creepy]

and then, i have this one mole beside my nose.
which was soooooooooo irritating and fugly.
no matter how much i conceal, it fucking appear in every picture.
goodness.

why do i have this fucking mole, dark eye circles [ from the fucking genes ] , two balls of fats on my cheeks [ also from the fucking genes ]
LOL WHY CAN'T I HAVE A BETTER FACE STRUCTURE LOL
CAN I DON'T LOOK SO CHINA PREASE.
everytime i smile, these fucking -_- <<< APPEAR
yeah, my eyes is open.
I WONDER HOW MUCH MORE DO I HAVE TO PRACTICE MAKE UP BEFORE I ACTUALLY LOOK NICE. LIKE, NICE. LAWL

because ... i am just not good looking, socially awkward.
people don't want to talk to me lol.
i wish sharanya was here now so i can rant....OTL
dear dear sharanya, i know you won't read this but..
even though i really enjoy those racist jokes i made for you but i really love you OTL

if only i'm more good looking, it would be so much easier to approach people i like.
if only. i feel as if my life is a waste

i am not good in anything
i am not good in studies
i can't help anybody...
i can't even fully enjoy cosplaying [ because all the stress i give myself on my looks, or i just really can't cos the characters i really love alot ]
what's the point of living when i can't enjoy fully what i LOVE to do and i can't feel a sense of achievement in anything i do?
i can't even help anybody. i can't even study well.
sorry i have low IQ, i'm so sorry to self. i have been wasting earth natural's resource ever since i was born.
maybe i will find talents in myself, but maybe talented in doing nothing. LOL
AGAIN, IF ONLY I CAN BORN WITH A BETTER GENES LOL, or a better brain...



maybe the future me will read this and go



i have no idea why i am feeling so negative after EOY

when i see my friends that also only just got to know the person i adore,
and quickly befriends them..but i am still not even near the acquaintance level.
because i am just not good looking enough..to talk to them. T_T
sorry i don't usually feel this way. so fucking depressed LOL

sorry, i'm really not a attention seeker
and i need a place to rant, that's all. ..lol

i hope i can be better next year

which reminds me, school is starting soon.
so many depressed stuff to think about again.
one of the reasons why i am going bald so fast.

i seriously need to adjust my thoughts.

just 2 more years, i'll get out of that shitty school.
andmaybe meet new people again
honestly speaking i'm not so well off in my school too.

basically i just have no one to talk about my problems to but Sharanya.
the rest are just friends. well, friends... not very close friends. . ... after i change class.
and even sharanya is in a different class. WHYYYYYY!!!!!!!!

YEAH AND SORRY FOR MY DAMN ENGLISH
LIKE I SAID I'M GOOD IN NOTHING. LOL